On the Down Side...

I am just going to take a second to vent. I am struggling a little bit lately. I know this might be too much information and detail for the blog but I figure it's as close to a journal as I have, so I am going to use it that way. I apologize for it being a little too personal. I need to make it private and probably will someday soon so the few of you that read this won't have to read about all this.

This last week we had our second miscarriage this year. I was just starting to wonder if I was pregnant when I had the miscarriage. We were only about 5-6 weeks along and it was not nearly as rough as the last one, but I am still feeling pretty sad about it. It feels really lonely. I am not sure if Jeff is going through it in his own way and that is way he isn't as sensitive towards me as he was the first time. I need to find a way to get focus my energy on positive things. I am so grateful for the blessing of my job and the opportunity it gives me to be around very sweet kids. I just wish I could move past it and not let it eat me alive. I am sure it will get better. It has only been a couple days. I guess I just need to give myself just a little bit longer, I think.

On a happier note...I worked SO much this past week and I was staying with this fun family that has two boys (8 and 12) that are SO sweet. I thought it would be fun to teach about 6-7 of the families that I watch on that street how to play night games. We had about 15-20 kids and it was SO fun! I taugh them how to play Sardine and I tried to remember how to play kick the can and I couldn't remember for the life of me. I now remember and will teach them when I go back to watch another family on that street in a couple weeks.

I also have been helping this lady who has 2 kids. She is from India and so if her husband. He is a cardiologist and works for 4 hospitals and shortly will be working for the U hospital also. He is gone from about 6am-12am every day and often on the weekends also.  On August 3rd she had a ceasure and they quickly found a brain tumor and operated a day or so later. She starts radiation this Wednesday. I was not able to help her permentantly for the hours that she was looking for. she wanted about 48-51 hours a week and I have 3 other families that I work for. So, I decided to help her Tuesday and Thursday's for the past couple weeks until she found and hired someone to do allt he hours she needed. Tomorrow is my last day with her family and it will be nice to have my life back a little bit since helping her I have been working 5 full days a week and some weekends.

I seriously LOVE my job and get such a high when I am with those wonderful kids. I cannot express the joy I feel when they get a huge smile and run over to me and give me a huge hug and kiss and say "I love you and missed you Summa." My other favorite thing  that I heard at least 4 times this week was "mom, when are you and dad going to leave so Summer can come and watch us?!?! We miss her!"  Those kids are the reason that my life is still pretty great dispite not being a mom yet.

   I know that my turn will come to be a mom and I know that when it does it will be that much sweeter for having waited.  I  just hope that I don't have to wait much longer. Thanks to everyone for all your love and support and kindness that you have all shown me.