Seriously Random Post

I am just going to write things down that are on my mind at the moment. I am sure this is boring to read and none of it will be exciting so feel free to skip it. :) I want to write down some goals for the future: I promised myself I would not turn this into a pregnancy only or even pregnancy mostly blog. Although there are some things I am sure I will document on here. I once put on here a goal I had, to get healthy and lose weight and started to do really well at that up until I got pregnant 3 months ago. :) I am trying to at least still eat somewhat health and as soon as I get out of the first trimester I will start hitting the gym again. I have been nervous to push myself too hard because at 6 weeks I was told I had small-medium sized hematoma (blood clot) in between the lining of my uterus and placenta. It made me nervous as I researched what that meant. It increases miscarriage odds and some can create problems if they don't dissipate after time. The only thing I was told to do to avoid it causing further problems was not lift things. Today at my appointment my Dr. said it seems to have gone away and isn't visible anymore. I only have one more week and then I will start to exercise without dieting this time. I actually miss working out and seeing the difference that made for my body. I know that towards the end I want to work out at all but in the middle and as long as I can handle it I want to work out. Try and get to a place where I am not completely starting from scratch after this baby. Also, we have decided against a cruise this winter as our last "no kids" vacation and everyone kept telling us to go, be selfish one more time. But the thing is that we have had our "no kids" time and more of it than we bargained for. We need to learn to cut back and start sacrificing. We are both super excited for our future and I am hoping I remember during the times that I am frustrated with a screaming or sick kid how much I want this and how this is what I feel like my life is about. Being a mom and all that it includes.

There are some things I have always known about myself that I need to work on. For instance, I care WAY too much about what people think about me. I am such a people pleaser and it has always caused me problems. I am trying so hard to grow up and accept that not everyone likes me. I can't please everyone and I need to stop trying. It is not good for me. So lately I have been trying to teach myself not to care and to do what is best for me and my family (which consists of me and my husband and a fetus). I know it is small but as I start the journey to become a mom I am realizing that I need to start to make it a habit to do what is best for us. I need to be okay if things or relationships aren't perfect. I need to do my best and be the best wife, aunt, sister, daughter and friend that I can be. I need to stop being the first to take blame and say sorry. I need to start recognizing when I have truly done something wrong and not just assume that I have. Jeff gets so frustrated with me sometimes because I always say sorry for things that don't need an apology and I also say sorry a million times. My mom has always told me "Summer, save your apologies for things you actually do wrong". That is a good piece of advice for me. I am not saying that I am perfect and don't make my fair share of mistakes because I do. I know there have been times and will be times that I slip and am not a good friend.  But I really need to start prioritizing the things that are important to me and not waste my time on the things that aren't or shouldn't be. I have been super emotional in the last few weeks. My mood switches quickly and without warning. I hate not being able to control how I feel and work through my feelings. Especially when there isn't a rhyme or reason why I feel a certain way half the time. I am not a crier and try not to need much from people. But lately, I have had some issues that have been super hard for me to deal with come up. The circumstances I am in would have always hurt me or bothered me but being pregnant has made them extra hard. Realizing that I need to learn to accept that I can't control situations I want to be different has been difficult and I am so far from being there. But I am taking the first step to learning how to not let it eat me alive and how to put myself and my family first. I know that trials only make us stronger and I know that this is something Heavenly Father needs me to figure out for myself and my family. So this goal is a work in progress...but at least it's in progress now.