My Grandma

My grandma passed away on Saturday March 3rd. She was the cutest little lady, all 100 lbs of her during her healthy times and all 75 pounds of her when she died. She was so feisty and such a spit fire. I am not sure what we did to deserve such a sweet person in our lives but for whatever reason we were so blessed. She has left an amazing legacy behind. My grandpa has been gone for nearly 24 years and I can only imagine how happy they are. One of the hardest parts of losing someone close to you is seeing those you love more than anything in the world being so sad and not being able to do anything about it. My mom and her siblings have each taken 1-2 days a week to be with her and care for her for the last nearly 5 years. They have gotten to show her love and care for her and have kept her in her home where she most wanted to spend her remaining time here. She loved me. She loved everyone that belonged to her. The last couple of weeks I was able to see her quite often and even though she didn't know exactly who I was anymore (she did know I somehow belonged to her) she would tell me how beautiful I am and that she loved me. She would tell me how cute Jeff is. She would tell me to hold onto him because someone else would snatch him right up. She got excited each time I would remind her that I was expecting a baby. Each time I would tell her this she would get so excited that her excitement often was accompanied by tears. Then she would proceed to tell me we have lots of boys and I need to have a girl sometime soon. She loved her children more than anyone I have ever seen. She always was a huge example of enduring to the end and counting all the blessing around her. She found the good in the bad and the beauty in the ugly. Her laugh and smile were contagious. She was a beautiful person. She has left this world far better than she found it and has left behind an example that we can only hope to follow. I am now left with only one grandparent left on my side and one on Jeff's side. We are so blessed to have these amazing people in our lives. I hope to be the person someday that both my grandma's always thought I was. It is a tough time to say goodbye and we are never truly ready. I have seen such an amazing side of my mom through all of this. I think the world of my mom. I talk to her nearly every day and she is my best friend. I know that my grandparents are up there warning my baby boy all the ways of his crazy mom and what to look out for. They are enjoying their time together and I am so grateful for my knowledge of eternal families and that this is only a temporary separation. This has been a tough couple of weeks for our family but I wouldn't want to go through this with anyone else.

This past little while has been extremely challenging for some of the people I care most about. It has been so hard to watch and not be able to help. I feel somewhat useless and only wish I could take the trials away for those people. It has made me realize that I need to be a better person. A person that is always there for others and also a person that counts my many blessings. I feel like the last few weeks have been filled with trials and tribulation for people I love and I wish that I could fix that. I, luckily, have a husband that sees how crazy I am and just goes with the crazy mood swings and irrational behavior that I often portray. I am turning 26 this week and am spending this week looking back at my grandma's life and feeling extremely blessed to lead the life that I lead. I wouldn't be the person I am without so many amazing people shaping me throughout my entire 26 years of life. We have finally reached the 3rd trimester and now I am starting to freak out that this baby is really coming and thus my life begins as a mom. I want nothing more.