My random moment of thought....

I am sitting here cleaning my house and organizing it and came across our ultrasound pictures of our first little baby that we lost at 20 weeks. We named him James Michael Stark (looking back, I would have picked something different but it works) I am almost to that point when we found out he hadn't been growing and no longer had a heartbeat. I look back at that time and think to myself how hard that trial was but how I truly feel like my Heavenly Father carried me through it and allowed me to understand that I needed to learn appreciation for all the things in my life and patience for what was ahead of us. I was somehow blessed to not be bitter at those being blessed with my deepest desire in life. I have struggled through our fertility battle and have tried to remain optimistic but at times it felt like more than I could bare. We will be blessed to welcome another baby into this world (hopefully at full term this time) only 10 days shy of our last due date with James. I don't believe the timing is coincidental that it will nearly 2 years to the day of when we were supposed to be having our first little man. I cannot wait for what life has ahead for us. I know it's cheesy, but Jeff will be the best dad and this is what we both want more than anything in life. We will be one month short of being married 7 years when this baby comes. It may have been longer than anticipated but worth every tearful day. Heavenly Father truly knows what is best for each of us and whether I understand why at time or not is irrelevant. I trust him and know that what is ahead is only for the best. I feel truly blessed to be having a baby and try really hard never to complain because this is what I have wanted my whole life....to be a mom. I know this is super cheesy but I wanted to write it down while it was on my mind.